In The Art of
Courtly Love, Andreas Capellanus defines the word love as “a certain inborn
suffering derived from the sight of and excessive meditation upon the beauty of
the opposite sex, which causes each one to wish above all things the embraces
of the other and by common desire to carry out all of love’s precepts in the
other’s embrace” (Capellanus). To find the word “suffering” in the definition of
the word “love” is shocking. Capellanus later explains that the suffering comes
from the constant fear of love ending, “if he is ugly, he fears that she may despise
his lack of beauty” (Capellanus). Capellanus
lists many other reasons why a lover may fear his love may be lost. To be in a
marriage where there is true love would be torture because the constant fear
would cause too much suffering. In contrast to modern day, if a person has all
this constant fear that he or she will lose their significant other due to love
being lost, that would be considered an unhealthy relationship. Modern
relationships are built upon mutual love and trust, not fear and suffering. Considering
marriage as torture or a prison in modern day is meant as a joke and is not
meant to be taken seriously. The way love and relationships are viewed have
gone through a major transition.
Capellanus, Andreas. The Art of Courtly Love. Columbia
University Press, 1960.
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